


Reminder About Consent In Relationships

by mneiai



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Comment on Consent, Commentary, Episode: 8x05 The Bells, Ethics, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Not a fic, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 21:09:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18819070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mneiai/pseuds/mneiai
Summary: This is a commentary based on a popular claim coming out of the fandom after episode 8x05 The Bells.





	Reminder About Consent In Relationships

In one form or another, I have seen people all over the internet blaming Jon Snow for Daenerys burning King's Landing...because he didn't have sex with her.

Let's break this down: They are saying Jon, who did not consent to sex with his aunt, was at fault for all the horrible things Dany did after that.

For anyone familiar with the incel movement, it's based on the idea of men believing women _owe them sex_. Elliot Rodger is considered one of their heroes--a man who killed six people and injured over a dozen more, then killed himself, and left a video explaining that a large part of the reason was because he wanted to punish women for rejecting him. You can also look at places like [When Women Refuse](https://whenwomenrefuse.tumblr.com/), which is a collection of events about violence men commit when women reject them. 

You can see why the mentality that "X didn't sleep with Y, so when Y committed horrendous crimes it's actually X's fault" is really disturbing. 

One of the things feminism has often tried to deal with is the idea that sex is a right. Sex is, in fact, a privilege, no one is owed sex. No man or woman should be allowed to demand sex from another who does not want to give it. Threatening someone to get sex is rape. Committing crimes to punish people for not having sex with you is your own fault, not the fault of the person who rejected you.

People claiming that Jon should have let Dany rape him, and then Dany wouldn't have killed innocent people if he had, are basically using the same sort of logic as the people mentioned above.

When you say "if only Jon had just slept with her" or "Jon should have taken one for the team" or any other way of _blaming someone else for another's crimes based on them not wanting sex_ it's not okay.

Are they fictional characters? Yes. But it was written as Jon _pulling away_ from Dany. As Jon _not consenting_ to continue. 

He is not responsible for Dany's actions.

GoT has a really horrific history with rape (re Jaime raping Cersei controversy) and maybe they will have some character, or a heartbroken Jon himself, next episode talk about "if only he'd just had sex with her." That doesn't make it a well-written, well-thought-out response. That doesn't make it something audiences should be agreeing with.

People in the fandom like to say "well, we can't judge these characters based on our own world's morals" and I'll say this: We can, in fact, judge all media based on our own morals, because the choices the characters make in it are created by _real people_ , not the characters. 

Jon did not consent to sex. 

Jon not having sex with Dany is not what anyone who is against rape culture should consider the cause of Daenerys' actions.

For that matter, blaming someone else's crimes on their significant other is such bullshit. No one held a gun to Dany's head to make her burn KL. In fact, just the opposite, KL had surrendered. 

It was bad writing that is to blame for Dany's actions, not a lack of sex.


End file.
